now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
