1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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