in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
