my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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