after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
