i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
