Have you finally orgasmed yet?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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