If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
