ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
