apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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