so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
