if i can run in heels then i can drive
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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