it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize