why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
