After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
