we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
