My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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