just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My ass is underappreciated
the raccoons are back...
Randomize