My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
