yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
