Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
