And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the day after is always just damage control
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
