He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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