you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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