If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
