Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
