its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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