I puked a lego.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
