Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
