Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
