I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
