i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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