There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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