I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
