dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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