I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Enjoy the penises
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
