Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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