Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
