I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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