I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
