Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
