I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
it was like eating out sand paper
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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