True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
