im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
