Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
