sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
