believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
