and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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