Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize