Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
