just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
