I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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