I wanna passion pit in your ass
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
this just has baby written all over it
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
