If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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