Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
