I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
