South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
