i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just threw up on my dentist
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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