i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
