All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
