I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
