You smell like a Billy Joel song
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sorry about my life...
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