I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
