ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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