About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You ruined the universe
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
