her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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