He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
