Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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