I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
