I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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