I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
