Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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