If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
